Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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