In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
