So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
