who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
