Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
