She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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