I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
