I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
