John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
