Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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