Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
