I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
