i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
