I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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