Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
