erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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