Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
