that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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