I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
