Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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