The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
