Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
