Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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