Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
