burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
