Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
