are you so shy because you have an std?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
