stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
