loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
