very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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