I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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