he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
