He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
