Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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