This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
