im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
