Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My vagina just clenched in fear
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
