I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
