can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
