You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
