Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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