i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
