you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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