Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
