I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
