so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
