she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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