we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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