oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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