OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have started to decorate penises.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
