my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
