I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
