Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
